LOVE, LUST and LIMERENCE The 3 L's

Love, Lust and Limerence is the title of a workshop I developed for presentation to professional and lay audiences alike. This topic is one that is most requested when I am asked to provide training at various mental health and chemical dependency conferences. I have been told folks are intrigued by a number of things in the description for this course offering. I won't bore you with the whole description. Let me highlight the parts that people ask questions about and therefore indicate they find of greatest interest. Of course, the first thing you might guess they find intriguing is the word "limerence." Most folks feel comfortable saying they understand the other two terms, but they are not familiar with this one. This is quite understandable given that it is not used often in professional or even everyday conversations.   Much has been written and discussed about love and many of us believe we know how to love and be loved.  However, you might be surprised at the number of folks who come to my practice saying they need help with this thing called love.  A common complaint is they don’t seem to be very successful at the loving thing and want to know what the heck they are doing wrong.  Nearly everyone in my practice say they are ok with the lust thing given that it seems pretty automatic, natural and basic.

Many if not most of the relationship problems folks bring are due to not having a good understanding of one or more of the 3 L's. Also, problems with relationships happen because folks confuse one of the L's for one of the others. They can also have a problem because they don't know that there is a difference between them. During the next few posts, we'll define each of them and explore how and when to best exercise each of them in a relationship.

If I had a flower for every time I thought of you… I could walk through my garden forever.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson

I know, the quotes at the end of these posts tend to relate more directly to the text. However, I slipped this one in because I just happen to be thinking of my wife and this is the quote that comes to mind when I think of her