Some axioms to remember

In the last post I suggested that we would be looking at some exercises for exploring, understanding and improving relationships.  We’ve talked quite a bit about communication and relationships in previous posts. We’ve covered a great deal of territory and examined a lot of ideas.  As promised, we will look at some exercises and experiments that have been shown to have value in nurturing and improving communication and relationships; however, before we proceed in that direction, it is a good idea to revisit and summarize some of the axioms we have looked at so far.  Remember the definition of axiom.  It is:

noun

1. a statement or proposition which is regarded as being established, accepted, or self-evidently true:

Here’s are some of my favorite axioms.

If you want to be a winner, do what the winners do.

There are many variations of this rule, walk the walk, talk the talk, etc. A common belief is that these elements or behaviors occur because folks have found themselves in a successful relationship.  The opposite is the case.  People make their relationships successful because they do these winner behaviors and infuse these winner elements into their relationship.  As Clint Black says in one of my favorite songs, [love is] “something that we do.”

Commitment is the life energy of any relationship

Remember the definition.  Commitment is: 1. The state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.; 2. A pledge or understanding; 3. A promise or firm understanding to do something.  These definitions accurately remind us that commitment to the relationship is one of the elements found in all successful relationships, wherever and whenever we find them.  Relationships don’t just last forever by accident or providence.  They last because people hold that value close when they find themselves in a caring relationship and consistently work at maintaining it.

If you want your relationship to thrive, you do what you can!

It is pure relationship poison to say that you will do something positive for the relationship but only if the other person does it or something similar first.  How sad to see a relationship wither because both parties take this stance.  Waiting for the other to take some action is a good way to set yourself up to blame the other when the relationship fails.  I believe a better strategy is to do all within you power to operate the way you would in a successful relationship.  Then is the relationship fails you can have the comfort of knowing you did your best and won’t be left to wonder if there was more you could have done.

Change is simple but not often easy

This one is fairly self-explanatory.  Change for the better is hard work.  Sometimes people try to make the change their trying for easier by adding unnecessary additional steps or elements.  Yes, it is hard work to go right at the problem and to discover a strong, effective of doing so.  Yes, it is hard work to discover what might work better than what you are currently doing and trying to do things that way.  Yes, it is hard to take the risk of trying a new way but, the potential rewards are worth the risk

If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.

I see people trying to make things better in their relationships and are baffled when those things don’t work.  Well, the fundamental error they can make is to keep doing what they always have done expecting a different outcome.  They seem to think that the last strategy didn’t work because they didn’t try it hard enough or loud enough or often enough.  An ineffective strategy remains ineffective no matter how often, how loudly or how strongly executed.

Albert Einstein is credited with saying: 

The definition of insanity is continually do the same thing and expecting a different result